Monday, March 4, 2013

The Internet Grammar Rules.

  Ah, Grammar. One of the many joys of speaking. But after you've memorized everything from how to punctuate a quote to learning when to put a hyphen, what else is there to learn except the innumerable Internet Grammar Rules, right?
  To be perfectly honest, I have very little clue what I'm talking about. I've never actually seen a printed list of these "Internet Grammar Rules" but everyone seems to assume that somewhere out there in the deep recesses of the internet, there is an actual list that actual people follow and that everyone else on the internet not only recognizes these rules to be true, but follows them religiously. And may the internet overlords help you if you fail to follow them.
  So what are these complicated rules that everyone seems to quote? Since there's no actual list, this is a hard question to answer. But here are some general ones that most people seem to recognize. Feel free to quote this list and share it to your friends.

1.) Thou shall NEVER use capitol letters to indicate shouting or emphasis. EVER.
    This is also a rule in regular offline writing to. Despite that, if you take out Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (book five) and open it to page 824 in the U.S. Paperback edition,  you will see that when Harry is shouting,  JK Rowling writes his shouts with caps lock, not italicization. I guess the rich/famous are above the law. Or maybe it's because she's British...

2. Thou shall not use LOL/ikr/me 2 in a blog/web post. It is considered unprofessional. 

3. Thou shall not use exclamation points to much! It's annoying!!! And when you do use them, don't use more than one!!!!

4. Thoushall always usecorrect spacing when writing.

5. Just because you add a :) or a ;) to a the end of a mean comment doesn't make it less mean.
  This is just commen sense, folks. Seriously.

6. thou shall always Start sentences with a capitol Letter, and Omit random Capitol letters throughout thy sentence.

7. Unless numbering something, thou must type out numbers.
  This goes for writing in general too.

8. Thou shall not use more than three periods in a row…….
  Another true-to-life grammar rule, according to Microsoft. When you are typing out a quote nad want to make it appear that you are being cut off, use "--" instead of "...."

Non-grammar Internet Rules.

9. Thou shall never debate fictional character teams on the internet. Thou shall pay if thy dare to break this rule.
  Seriously. Don't walk into a virtual room full of Team Jacobs and brag about Edward.
  Similarly, don't walk into a virtual room full of Hunger Game fans and talk about Twilight. You will really pay for it if you do.

10. Thou shall not start an argument on YouTube.
      More common sense.

11. Thou shall not rub theses rules into everyone’s faces in every single thing thy posts.

12. Thou shall, however, quote these and give me credit for taking the time to type these up.

  Anways… that was your grammar lesson for the day. Leave your own grammar rules in the comments!

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